Two Jubilees and One Spitfire

Trevor and Ross soon established a new routine. Trevor's life was different in that he now went to work by car, and not on the tube. Ross' life was the same as at Leytonstone, he wrote in the mornings from the time Trevor left until midday. Then he had an hour of what he called office work. During the afternoon he would do things about the cottage, or as the weather warmed in the garden. Trevor would ring when he was setting off for home from the University, so that Ross had a meal ready. Often they both worked for an hour or so in the evening.

Paul and Lizzie Driffield's son Trevor, was just two years younger than Zach. When our Trevor was around he was usually called `Young Trevor', `Trevor D.', `Trevor 2', or various combinations using the word `godson'. Trevor D. was now at Eton. The Driffield finances had managed to continue that part of the family tradition. Those acquainted with the geography of
the Home Counties will know that Eton is not very far from Potter's End, certainly much closer than Leytonstone. Paul had stayed with Trevor and Ross in Leytonstone several times a
year, and once or twice a year he brought young Trevor with him. It was now possible for him to go to Potter's End when he had an exeat from college. In all his visits to Leytonstone he had never met Zach.

Then one Sunday afternoon young Trevor had an exeat from Eton and it was one of the weekends when Zach was there. Trevor went off to collect his godson, and Zach was stripped to the waist working hard with Ross, who was also stripped to the waist, clearing some of the brambles and overgrown shrubs from what was supposed to be the orchard.

Trevor and Ross had pondered together as to how the smooth young man from the upper echelons of English society would get on with the illegitimate immigrant youth with the (mans private)ney accent.

When the car, with the two Trevors in it, pulled up outside Russell's, young Trevor leapt out, and ran round the back of the cottage because he had been told Ross was working there.

"Hi Ross, where are you?" he called. He pulled up sharply when he came suddenly face to face with the half naked West Indian young man. He quickly collected himself. "Hello."

"Hi, you must be ver other Trevor, I'm Zach, short for Zachariah."

They eyed each other. Zach knew exactly who young Trevor was; but young Trevor was for a moment at a disadvantage. His godfather now appeared on the scene, and came to the rescue.
Introductions were made. Ross came over and after the initial greetings the work he and Zach were doing was inspected.

"Ross says the wind is in the right direction and we can have a bonfire." said Zach.

"Can I help?" said the young Trevor.

"Yes," said his godfather, "But I think you ought not to go back to Eton stinking of a bonfire. Let's see what we can fit you up with."

"E's about my size," said Zach. "I've got some spare clean shorts and a spare shirt."

"Happy with that?" asked his godfather.

Young Trevor nodded.

"Come on ven," said Zach. The two of them ran off to get young Trevor changed.

They were soon back in the garden. Young Trevor had decided not to wear the offered shirt.

Young Trevor was a young man who was at ease in almost any situation. He had the assurance and self confidence that a Preparatory and Public School education provides, and he was also a vicar's son. His father, Paul Driffield, had spent all his ministry in deprived inner city areas in
industrial West Yorkshire. He was used to meeting all types of people, from down-and-outs knocking on the door asking for money, to respectable members of the Mother's Union wanting the Church key so that they could `do the flowers'.

For the next three quarters of an hour they sawed, hacked, and cut, clearing an area in the orchard so that it was possible to see the trunks of the fruit trees.

"I think we'll get that bonfire going," said Ross.

There was already a huge pile of stuff to be burned from work that had been done the previous couple of weeks. The fire was soon lit, and a blaze started. The pall of smoke stretched away from the houses of Potter's End to disperse over the fields. Zach and young Trevor were in their element tending to the fire. Ross enjoyed watching them both while Trevor went into the cottage to prepare a meal.

Two smut covered young men, reeking of smoke, made their way into the cottage, and Ross was not much better.

"All three of you need a shower before sitting down to a meal," said Trevor.

Ross made his way to the shower in the bathroom he usually used. "You two can use the other shower."

Ross was first to come down into the kitchen. "Do you think your godson's safe?"

"What with Zach?"

"They did get on well. What better way to seal their relationship than with a little sexual fun in the shower."

Trevor laughed. "If my godson is anything like his father, he will only do what he is happy to do."

The two youngsters joined them with cries of just how hungry they were.

A couple of hours later Trevor was driving his godson back to Eton.

"Zach's fun isn't he, Uncle?"

"Yes, great fun. You enjoyed that bonfire."

"Haven't had a good one like that since Granddad Driffield and the gardener had one years ago. Is Zach like you and Ross?"

Trevor paused for a moment before answering. "In what way?"

"Gay?"

Trevor had never discussed his sexuality with his young namesake, though he had never hidden it. Ross and Trevor had been open about sleeping together when young Trevor had stayed at Leytonstone, and whenever they had stayed with Paul in Yorkshire Lizzie had always placed them in the spare bedroom with a double bed. He thought for the briefest moment, as he knew his answer would `out' Zach to Trevor, and that was something he did not like doing.

"Would it make any difference if he was?"

"No, of course, not. I've always accepted you and Ross. Dad told me that the two of you love each other like he and Mum love each other. Dad said that a lot in the Church were dead against it, but he wasn't. He asked me not to spread that round, but I guess it's all right with you."

"Yes. Your Dad has known all about me since we were at Cambridge together. But why do you think young Zach may be the same?"

"When we were having a shower I noticed that he kept looking a lot at my (mans private)."

"Did you mind?"

"No. I know I've got a bigger one than most of the boys of my age. I see them in the showers at school." There was a note of pride in young Trevor's voice.

"Did Zach try anything on with you?"

"No, just looking. `A cat may look at a king.' I must confess, Uncle Trev, it got a little hard when he did."

His godfather laughed. "Are you tossing yourself off yet."

"Of course!" came the withering reply.

"You're a normal boy, then?"

Young Trevor laughed. "There's a lot of it at college. Uncle Trev, can I ask you a very personal question?"

Trevor wondered what was coming now. "Yes, though I reserve the right not to answer."

"Have....did you and Dad ever?"

Trevor breathed a sigh of relief. "That's easy to answer. No, not ever, not even once." He paused before continuing. "In the early days of our friendship I hoped. I never made a first move, because I did not want to endanger the friendship. I have never made love to your father like I have made love to Ross, but with the limitations of never having lived together, I love him as much as I love Ross. I've never told your father that I would've liked to, so that must be strictly between the two of us. Your Dad has been the very best of friends to me. I could not wish for a better."

"He says the same about you. He thinks very highly of you."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

Young Trevor gave a very hesitant reply. "Yes."

"Were you attracted to young Zach in the shower?"

"A little. Seeing his body bare and all wet. But I thought I'd wait until I can do it with a girl I love."

"You're a chip off the old block; you're just like your Dad! You're a good lad."

"But Zach? He is like you and Ross. isn't he?"

Trevor with some slight reluctance nodded.

"Zach's got a big one hasn't he?"

"Yes." said Trevor without thinking.

"You've seen it then."

"I used to bath him like I used to bath you."

"But you've seen it since he's grown up?"

"Yes."

"Have you seen it hard?"

"What is this, the inquisition?"

"Have you?" persisted young Trevor.

Trevor nodded again.

"Have you gone all the way, and made love?"

"Yes. Does that worry you?"

"No. I'm glad in a way. I liked Zach, as I like you and Ross. To know that you have...together, seems somehow to make it good."

"I'm glad you think so. If you spread that around into certain ears that could land me in prison."

"I know how to keep secrets. That's something Dad has taught me. You can't help knowing all sorts of things when you're a vicar's son."

"And your Dad knows."

"I shan't tell him I know. I never thought I'd talk to you like this."

"Well, we are moving on from an adult-child relationship, to an adult-adult one. I'm your godfather, Trev, and in my book that means that I'm there for you. Anytime you want to talk feel free. And I do not report back to your Dad."

"Thanks, Uncle Trev."

"And you'd make a bloody good barrister!"

Meanwhile back at the cottage another conversation was taking place. Zach was helping Ross to clear away the debris of the meal.

"So what did you think of young Trev?" asked Ross.

"I liked `im. `E's a bit of a toff, and speaks posh, all frightfully frightfully." Those last two words were spoken in Zach's best imitation of a Public School accent.

"That comes from money, breeding and Eton."

"I liked `im. It were fun wiv ver bonfire. `E joined in, not at all stuck up. And `e's got a big (mans private)."

"How do you know that?"

"I saw it in ver bathroom when we went to `ave a shower."
"Did you shower together?"

"No. But we took our clothes off in ver bathroom. I got a good look."

"Did you try anything on with him?"

"I knew `e weren't interested."

"How did you know that?"

"I could tell within five minutes of him coming. Could just tell."

"Trev and I wondered if your sexual desires would lead to you making a pass at him."

"Knew it were a waste of time. But it would've been fun to `ave tried."

"You'd have liked to get your hands on his (mans private) then."

"Yea. But only if `e were willing."

They finished doing what had to be done, and went to sit of the sofa in the sitting room. Zach snuggled up to Ross, and Ross put an arm round Zach. That was how Trevor found them when he got back from Eton.

"That's a pleasant scene. I wondered if you two would be in bed together."

"No way," said Zach. "You two are together, it wouldn't be right for me to have fun with just one of you."

"But you had a time with me when I got back from New Zealand," said Ross.

"I know, but just once, to even vings up a bit."

Trevor and Ross looked at each other. "Shall we tell him?" said Trevor.

"Tell me what?"

Trevor sat down alongside Zach. "When we came back from New Zealand, and you and Ross had got together, or rather you had seduced Ross, we talked about you at length. We decided two things. If either of us had a love session with you we would tell the other one. And we would keep a count, and neither of us was to get more than two ahead of the other one."

"But," interrupted Ross, "you never tried to with either of us when we were alone. You were quick off the mark down here with us both. We've both enjoyed that very much. For some reason, Zach, which neither of us can understand, we both love you very much."

"I know ver exact reason," said Zach confidently. "In fact a number of reasons. One, you like my big (mans private). Two and three, you like my balls. Four, you love my bum and especially when I let either of you get your (mans private) up it. Five, you like my vick West Indian lips, especially when they are parted and you get some part of your body between them. Finally you just love me for my
cheerful `appy self, vat brings some fun and laughter into ver lives of you two old men."

Trevor and Ross laughed. "Conceited monkey," said Ross. "What size hats do you take?"

"Let's see if he's right," said Trevor. "Let's have a good look at this (mans private) he thinks is so special." Trevor unzipped Zach's flies and pulled out a rapidly hardening (mans private). "I don't see what so special about it, do you?"

"It is not as long as yours," said Ross.

"Or as thick as yours." added Trevor.

"I wonder it can produce semen yet?"

"It all depends on his testicles, let's have a look at them."


Trevor extracted Zach's testicles. "One's slightly bigger than the other."

"What? shouted Zach

"That's as it should be." The fingers of four hands examined every part of Zach's (mans private) and balls.

Zach was giggling helplessly while all this was going on.

"He also said we liked his gluteus maximus. We'd better look at them," said Ross.

"What's that?" cried Zach.

"Your bum, dear boy, your bum," said Trevor.

Trevor and Ross debagged Zach, and then decided to complete the job. Zach ended up naked lying face down across the laps of Trevor and Ross.

While Zach giggled they discussed every part of his anatomy. He was turned over several times. Eventually Trevor and Ross looked at each other. They nodded slightly. Ross bent down and started kissing Zach deeply. Trevor bent down and proceeded to suck Zach's (mans private) as well as he could. Zach did not last long before Trevor received a mouthful of tasty Zach spunk.

When they had recovered Zach broke the silence. "I love being wiv you two. I can be myself. I don't `ave to watch what I say. I can get a `ard on over a man and nobody minds. If I got a `ard on because of a guy at work there'd be `ell to pay."

"I know," said Trevor. "I've got some lovely sexy male students. I have to be so careful."

"I'm just about ready for bed," yawned Ross.

"Same here. But Zach, I forgot, I've got a confession to make to you, Zach. Young Trevor, knows you're gay. He's like a lawyer; he wormed it out of me."

"I don't mind," said Zach. "I like `im."

Zach as usual went up to bed first, and Trevor and Ross were alone downstairs for several minutes.

"Would you've minded if you had found me in bed with Zach earlier?" asked Ross.

"No, not at all. From what he said this evening, and what he's said all along I think he likes us both. I don't think he'd ever come between us."

"Except when he's in our bed!"

They laughed.

"I'm off to Germany for ten days in a few weeks. If Zach wants to come and stay with you that's fine by me."

"And when I go down under towards the end of the year, the same.

When they went upstairs into the bedroom Zach was lying in the middle of the bed with a broad grin on his face. They stood at the foot of the bed and with a serious expression on their faces looked down on him.

"We've made a decision about you," said Trevor.

"A very serious decision. We hope you won't be upset."

A look of concern came on Zach's face.

"In a few week's time Trevor is off to Germany for ten days," said Ross, "He says you can come down and sleep in his place."

"Later in the year Ross is going to New Zealand. He says you can come and keep his side of the bed warm for me."

Zach laughed, and lept out of the bed, completely naked and sporting a very stiff (mans private). He put his arms round both of them, and hugged them close. "Thanks. I have a problem, I don't know which one of you I love the most."

***

Trevor enjoyed his work at Reading University. He enjoyed lecturing, and dealing with the students. Early on in the autumn term he had all the freshers out to the cottage for a Sunday afternoon and evening. He continued to write learned books that the experts appreciated even if the uninitiated could barely understand. He was frequently asked to go to the continent to lecture or take part in seminars. This was encouraged by the University authorities. The increased ease of flying meant that he was rarely away for very long. Also Potter's End was the right side of London for Heathrow. He also found renewed contacts with the Board of Trade, and
higher echelons of City life often wanted to hear what he had to say about developments in the economic life of the U.K. and the rest of Europe.

Ross continued to write his books. Sometimes he would go off to some exotic place for background in one of his books. Each year he was able to afford a visit back home to New Zealand, every other year Trevor went out to join him for part of the time.

Isaac came back to England every other year, always in the summer. No more the damp cold of an English winter for him, though it was pointed out to him that Jerusalem could have a fall of snow, and did receive more rain each year than Southend-on-Sea on the Essex coast. In answer to such remarks he would smile and point out that he lived in Tel Aviv. He would meet up with a few of his old work colleagues for a lunch in the City, though there seemed to be fewer of them present each year. In December 1983 he celebrated his seventieth birthday. Trevor and Ross flew out for a belated celebration once the Unversity term was over. Isaac's hair was now white, though as thick as ever. He had become more bent with the passage of years. He was no longer the upright striding figure in the photograph on the chest of drawers in the bedroom at Russell's. Trevor and Isaac still wrote to each other every week. Trevor hid nothing from Isaac. Their love for each other was as great as ever, though there was no longer any physical sexual element in it. They still argued, and it got quite lively when Ross joined in. Trevor and Isaac still flitted around with the language they spoke to each other - moving seamlessly from English to French, on to German and then back to English again.

The friendship with Paul was as strong as ever. Paul was on the General Synod of the Church of England, and had to come to London regularly. When Trevor moved to Buckinghamshie it was slightly more inconvenient to get up to London, but Ross insisted that he would always meet Paul at High Wycombe station, and run him there whatever the hour. This meant there was a catching up on news. Once or twice a year Trevor and Ross went north for a weekend to stay with Lizzie, Paul and the family.

While young Trevor remained at Eton he came out to Potter's End whenever he had an exeat. In the first year or so Zach always tried to get out there at the same time. There was an interesting and good friendship between the slightly older young man with the West Indian background and the suave young scholar from Eton. But when young Trevor finished at Eton, much to his father's and godfather's disgust, he elected to go to the other place, Oxford. There he read Greats. But this meant that in term time he remained not too far from Potter's End. Though University life was far too busy for visits in term time, he often paid a visit before term started or when it finished and sometimes both. Paul said that his eldest son was much righter than he was and would go far. The friendship with Fergus eventually levelled out at the Christmas letter and card. Fergus remained in the steady relationship with his male nurse. As things became easier and more open with the passage of time they were able to live together openly.

***

It was late, just gone 11.00pm, one dreary November evening the phone rang. Trevor answered the phone.

It was Zach. "I vink I may have met someone," said the excited voice.
"What happened?"

"I was working in my usual way around the store. When I saw vis guy looking me. Not just a casual glance, but a definite look. I looked away. When I looked back he were still looking at me. I looked him over. He looked about my age, and looked nice so I gave him a smile. He straight
way looked away. Then a few minutes later we came face to face. `Enjoy working here?' he asked. `It's alright,' I replied. We stood looking at each other. I vink we both wanted to say something and didn't know what to say."

"Not like you to be lost for words," muttered Trevor.

" `I don't remember seeing you in `ere before,' I said. `No I don't live down here. I live in Birmingham.' `That's a long way,' I said. `I'm down here visiting my Gran. I come down for a few days three or four times a year.' `Where does she live?' I asked. He gave the road, `Vat's just
round the corner from me.' I was then called away to do something.

"And?"

"When I knocked off work there `e was hanging around outside. `It's all old folk at Gran's, aunts and uncles, and boring' `e said, `Can we go for a drink?' `Wot now?' I asked. `Yea, now.' `I can't go for a drink now, as Mum will be expecting me and'll `ave a meal waiting.' `Later then.' `Yea,
that'd be fine.' So we arranged to meet up. So an hour later we met on the street corner and went to `ave a drink."

"Where did you go?"

"I suggested the Owl and Pussycat, so we went there."

"Nice and quiet in the back room." commented Trevor.

"Exactly. We got into one of the dark corners."

Trevor chuckled.

"And we sat close and talked. It were easy talking to `im. His name is Adam. He's slightly taller than me. His Mum is English and his Dad is from Jamaica. We talked a lot. Then our hands sort of met on the bench."

There was another chuckle from Trevor.

"We looked at each other. Wot we both thought was correct. We talked a bit more, only this time about some of ver vings we'd done. You know sex vings. `Know anywhere we can go?' Adam asked. So I took `im round the back of Marks and Sparks, as I know that. We had a cuddle and kiss, and tossed each other off. It were nice, I like `im."

"Pity he lives in Birmingham."

"I know. `E's down `ere for another three days. I asked `im to come for a meal tomorrow evening. I thought it'd be alright wiv Mum. It was. So I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening. Sorry to ring you so late, I `ope you weren't in bed and I didn't interrupt you and Ross you know..."

"We were just about to go up to bed, so you didn't interrupt. Thanks for letting us know. Give me a ring when you can. Any time up to half eleven, we've got the phone by the bed. Give our love to your Mum."

"Will do!"

Trevor reported the conversation to Ross. "Our Zach thinks he may have found a friend."

"Good! Let's hope so."

It was five and twenty to twelve when the phone rang the next evening. Trevor and Ross were in bed.

Trevor answered. "Well? How did it go?"

"Great! Just great! Mum said that if she liked Adam she would go out and visit a friend after ver meal and leave us to it. Mum and Adam got on like a `ouse on fire. Soon as the meal were over she said she'd leave us to do ver washing up and she'd go off to her friends. `I'll be back about
eleven,' she said. She had no sooner shut the front door and we were in each other's arms. Five minutes later we were in my bedroom stripping each other off. `E's got a lovely body. Lighter colour than mine. That's `is English Mum. Got a wonderrul (mans private). We `ad a lovely time."

"Can I be nosey, Zach, and ask how far?"

Zach laughed. "Of course you can ask. You two are special. We got to stage two. We agreed to see if we still wanted to be friends after he'd gone back to Birmingham before we went any further. When Mum came back we was doing the washing up. `You ain't been washing up the whole evening `ave you?' wiv a broad grin all over her face. We was both a bit embarassed. `You both look `appy, and that's the main thing,' she said. Adam's coming for a meal tomorrow, but the next day `e's got to to go back to Birmingham. Can I come down on Saturday for the night, so I can tell you all about it."

"Of course, you can, Zach. See you then. We're in bed, and Ross heard all you said."

"Sorry to interrupt you."

Ross laughed. "We olduns don't make love every night the moment we get into bed. Only when you're around."

There was a laugh from the other end of the line.

It was nine o'clock on Saturday evening when they heard the noise of Zach's motorbike. They went to the door. He got off the bike, his face split open with the broadest of triumphant smiles. He removed his helmet and came into the cottage.

The main subject of conversation that weekend was Adam. All the events of the previous few days were narrated in great and intimate detail several times. Trevor and Ross smiled at each other and listened

"I hope you don't mind but I told Adam about both of you," said Zach when they were all in bed. "I `ad to when telling my story. You two are so important."

"That's alright. Is Adam happy with you being with us?" asked Ross.

"Yes. He's got a friend in Birmingham. They are able to get together every ten days or so. I said it's alright wiv me if he continues to see his friend. He's going to tell the friend all about me. In fact he wants me to go up and stay for a weekend. He'll have to square it wiv this friend, as I'll `ave to stay with him. Adam's parents don't know about him. He's Dad is very against gays. Says they all ought to be put in clink. I do `ope I'll be able to go. I vink I'll go by train, even though
it costs a lot. I don't vink I'd want to go all that way on my motorbike vis time of year." So Zach chatted on.

That night they just cuddled and eventually drifted off to sleep. Zach in the morning was first awake. He extracted himself from the middle of the bed, and made the morning tea.
The three of them then enjoyed each other to the full.

***

Zach's friendship with Adam progressed. Trevor and Ross were informed of each and every development. They began to see less of Zach as he was going up to Birmingham whenever he could. It was not a satisfactory arrangement, as Adam's friend, with whom Zach had to stay, demanded what he called his droits de seigneur, the right to `sleep' with Zach. The friend was
considerate in that he left Adam and Zach alone in his flat for as long as possible, but at night Adam was expected to be at home or Dad would ask questions.

Then one weekend in the late summer of 1979 Zach went down to Potter's End for a couple of nights. There was something obviously on his mind. He waited until he was alone with Trevor.

"Uncle Trev?" That form of address was now very rarely used, and usually on occasions of great fun or seriousness. This was definitely one of the latter. "Adam and I have been thinking and making some plans."

Trevor was all attention.

"We want to live together."

"Good idea."

"We want to go into business together, but we need some help."

"What business?"

"Window cleaning. We've asked around a bit, and there are a number of places where window cleaners are needed." There was a pause. "We need some money to get started. It would take us an age to save up enough to buy a small van, and ladders and vings. Would you lend us some money?"

"Lending money to friends is often a quick way to lose friends. I'll have to think carefully. But let me ask you a few questions."

Zach underwent a lengthy interrogation. Adam and Zach reckoned they had enough money to pay rent on a small place of their own. But they needed to purchase the necessary equipment, and be able to keep life and soul together until there was sufficient income from the business. How long that might be was discussed at some length, and the answer was a bit - `how long is a piece of string?'. Trevor was impressed at Zach's answers, and it was obvious that he and Adam had done some serious thinking about the whole enterprise. Some questions from Trevor led to questions from Zach about setting up a small business. He knew little about banking, the problems of cash flow, accruing capital and the importance of keeping records.

After two and a half hours which left Zach feeling exhausted, Trevor came to his decision. "Zach, I have decided. I will lend you £1000. That should be more than enough to buy a second hand van, ladders and so on, pay the first month's rent, and keep the two of you alive until you can live on your income. I will not charge you any interest, but I expect you to pay me back as soon as you can without endangering what you are doing. I also expect to see your books at least at two monthly intervals. And I am available to help you with any advice."

Zach flung his arms round Trevor. "You're better than any Dad."

"I am trusting the two of you. Pay me back, and if I can help later in developing your business I will." Trevor reached into his pocket and withdrew his wallet. He extracted two five pound notes. "This is a gift. Open a bank account so you have somewhere to place the larger sum when you
ask for it."

A month later Adam joined Zach for a couple of nights at Potter's End They slept in the double bed in the other large room. It was the first time they had been able to spend the night together. The look on their faces in the morning showed that it had been a highly satisfactory night.

"We got to Stage Three last night," whispered Zach in Trevor's ear when they were alone together.

Three weeks later Zach asked for the loan. Once a week Zach phoned to give a report how things were going. Slowly they gained customers.

At the end of the first month Trevor received a letter from Zach with a £5 note enclosed. "I am sorry this is all we can afford to pay back. Hope it
will be more next month."

Each month Zach and Adam repaid a part of the loan. Never again was it as small as for that first month, slowly the average of the amounts repaid grew. Slowly the loan was repaid. Every two months Zach and Adam came down to Potter's End. Trevor inspected the books and gave advice where necessary. He was pleased to note that not only were they setting a priority in repaying him, they were also trying set aside some capital, `for a rainy day'.

***

The final repayment was made at the end of October 1981. Adam and Zach had invited themselves for the weekend. They arrived from Birmingham late in the afternoon, as they had been working during the morning.

Trevor always took the two of them into his room at the far end of the cottage. "For our talk," as Zach called it. "For our business conference," was Trevor's name for it.

"Things are changing, Trev," said Zach.

"In what way?"

"We're being asked to do all sort of other vings, not just cleaning windows," answered Zach.

"Several times we've been asked to clean out gutters," said Adam.
"A couple of old ladies in one road have asked us to take things to the dump," added Zach.

"I hope you charged," said Trevor.

Zach looked slightly embarassed. "We've charged for cleaning the gutters, but wiv the old ladies we hadn't the `eart to charge."

"But they insisted on tipping us, and gave us far more than we'd `ave asked," added Adam.

Trevor laughed. "Do you see your business branching out into other things? Business people call it diversifying. It is reckoned good business practice."

"Yea. The window cleaning remains the core business, and brings in most money, but if people ask us to do something we can do, then we'll do it."

"Several people have asked if we know anyone who can paint their house, or do some work inside, painting and wall papering." said Zach.

"So we've enrolled at night school to learn."

"But if we are to do vese other vings we'll need to employ someone to do the window cleaning."

"That's when business life gets complicated and difficult," said Trevor. "Many businesses get into problems at that point. It is one of the most difficult hurdles in the growth of any business."

They talked the issue over for a while.

Zach reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "Vis is for you,
Trev."

Trevor opened it, and pulled out a cheque for £75.

"Our final repayment," said Adam.

"Well done, you two. You're doing well. Go and tell Ross to put some champagne on ice. This is a good reason to celebrate. I'll just cast an eye over the books."

They all enjoyed the celebratory meal.

Later that evening when they had all gone upstairs to bed, Trevor and Ross had just got into bed when there was a knock on the door connecting with the other large bedroom. They looked at each other, with a slightly puzzled expression on both of their faces.

"Come in," said Ross.

The door opened and two faces appeared. "We're frightened," said two giggling childish voices in unison.

Trevor and Ross laughed. "You've tried that one before," said Trevor, "And look at what happened."

"We know," answered Zach. "And we want it to happen again, - with both of us."

Adam and Zach came into the bedroom and stood at the bottom of the bed looking down on Ross and Trevor. They were both stark naked, and both (mans private)s were slightly hardened. They stood there, arms round each other's waist, one dark brown and the other a much lighter shade.

"They're certainly two sexy young men, aren't they?" said Ross.


"Who has the nicest (mans private), do you think?" asked Trevor.

"Don't know. Both look nice. How can you tell?"

"Oh easy, suck it and see,"

"Which one will you take first?"

"I'll take Adam, I haven't tasted him before," said Trevor.

Adam came and stood close to Trevor, his (mans private) rapidly hardening. Zach went and stood by Ross. Trevor swung himself out off the bed and sat on the edge. He pulled Adam closer to him, and touched the now fully erect (mans private).

"This one's got a nice long (mans private), and a good pair of goolies," said Trevor.

"I think this one is getting worn away with too much action," teased Ross.

Trevor applied his lips, tongue and mouth to Adam, who was soon groaning with pleasure.

"Zach said you were an expert when it come to sucking (mans private)," said Adam.

"And you've got one of the best," said Trevor briefly.

After giving Zach and Adam good sucks each, the four got into the bed. There was a lot of kissing, and cuddling. Hands got into all sorts of places, and no one really knew whose hand was doing what.

"I'm glad we've done that," said Zach, during one of the short breaks in the action. "It makes it fair. I feel such a part of you two. You're the two Dads of my life. Now you're in the same relationship to the love of my life - Adam here."

"But, dear Zach," said Ross, "You'll just have to watch while Trev and I initiate Adam fully into our special family circle."

"How you going to do that?" said Zach and Adam simultaneaously. One with a note of anticipation in his voice, the other with a note of apprehension.

"We've got to put our spunk into him. Like we put our spunk into you a few years ago. Which end do you want, Trev, top or bottom end?"

Trevor lay on his back and directed Adam to get on all fours and suck him off. Ross came up behind and began to lubricate Adam's arse-hole so he could screw him doggie fashion.

Adam had enough experience to hold off when Trevor was approaching his climax, and Ross was doing the same at the other end.
Zach wandered round the bedroom, watching from every angle, and kept on with a running commentary and wishing he had a camera. He was obviously enjoying it, as his (mans private) was jutting out long, large and proud in front of him.

Eventually the climax was reached, and the three collapsed on the bed getting their breath.

"Now we've got to deal with the watcher, and his running commentary," said Trevor springing from the bed. But Zach was quick. He slipped out of Trevor's grasp and fled out of the room. The other two got the idea and all three went to followed. The house was in total darkness except for the light in Trevor and Ross' bedroom. It became a game of hide and seek.

Zach hid behind the sofa in the lounge. The other three had no idea where he had gone. There was an initial search following the way Zach had gone, through the downstairs and up the other stairs back into the main bedroom. When the three got there they had a conference. Trevor would go one way and Ross and Adam the other. The house was in total darkness except for
the light in that one room. The search had to be made by feel and sound. Trevor being alone searched more quickly than the other two, because they kept touching each other, and that was an excuse for some hugs and kisses.

It was Trevor who discovered Zach. His hand reached round the sofa and discovered an ankle. He promptly got round behind the sofa, and lay close to Zach. One hand reached over to hold Zach's (mans private), and he pressed his own into Zach's buttocks. They lay there, barely moving, just enjoying being close together. They could heard the occasional noise of a piece of furniture being knocked into, and the occasional giggle as they groped each other.

Ross was the next to discover the two behind the sofa. He joined them. Adam soon guessed where they all were, and shouted out "Got you," when he touched an arm.

There was a great deal of laughter. Ross said it was an excuse for another drink.

"That reminds me of a game some of the kids at home used to play. make love chase. A group of boys and a group of girls. The girls hid separately and when a boy found a girl he went with her. I don't think there was any real make loveing, but perhaps placing of (mans private)s next to fannies. Part of growing up, I suppose."

"Did you play," asked Adam.

"Once or twice."

They enjoyed their drinks.

"I think our bed is too small for four of us to sleep in.
So what's it to be, Ross. The two of us in our bed, or do we take one
each?"

"Take one each," said Zach. He and Adam proceeded to prance around in what they thought were erotic poses.

"Let's toss for it," said Ross, when he had stopped laughing at the antics of the younger two. He knew where there was a coin. "Heads you have Zach, tails you have Adam."

"Okay," replied Trevor.

The coin was tossed and came down heads. Trevor and Zach made their way into the main bedroom while Adam and Ross went up the other stairs to the visitors bedroom.

That night started a game that they often played when the four of them were together. It was the way they worked out who was to sleep with whom. There was just one rule, Trevor and Ross were not to end up together. When they found each other the game had to be started again. Sometimes this went on for some time.

That evening made Adam every bit a part of the Russell's family as was Zach.

***

The Special Palce

I was in another world, so totally immersed in a Bach piece I had been working on for several weeks that I didn't see the light flashing indicating I should pick up the phone/intercom. Accordingly, I almost had a heart attack when Gertie, the parish secretary, shouted, "There's a
hysterical woman on the phone asking for you. Think it might be Gabrielle Larsen."

"Thanks, Gertie," I said as I grabbed the phone and punched the button, "Matt here."

"Matt, Luke has left a suicide note. It says you will know where to find him. I don't know what to do!"

"Call 911. Tell the dispatcher what you have found and to call me on my cell phone. I think I know where he is and pray God I won't be too late! I'm on my way." I tossed the phone into its cradle and said to Gertie, "My God, Gertie, Luke has left a suicide note and his mother doesn't know where he is. I'm supposed to, and I think I do." I was shouting over my shoulder
as I rushed from the church toward my Jeep. Luke's place and mine were about ten miles out of town. I leapt into my Jeep and pushed it for all it was worth. My mind was also running in overdrive. "Luke must have left school early because he should just be getting home now," I thought to myself as I raced down Old Farm Road toward our places. I was doing an independent study in music for my final period each day and I hadn't been practicing at St. Mary's for more than twenty or twenty-five minutes when Gertie called. "God, please let me be in time," I prayed, wishing my Jeep would go faster. Fortunately, Old Farm Road is a farm road and traffic is minimal, so I wasn't worried about that.

"Why has Luke even thought about suicide?" I kept asking myself. Exactly the same age as I--we were actually born minutes apart and both would be eighteen in two months--he was handsome--even beautiful--popular at school . . . .We have no secrets from each other,"I thought,"or at least I didn't think we did, but I was surely wrong."

Suddenly I heard sirens behind me and when I looked in the rear view mirror, saw flashing lights approaching. About that time my phone rang. "Yea?"

"The EMS squad should be getting close to you," the dispatcher said, "I'm patching you through to them."

"Yea, I see them right behind me," I responded.

"Matt, this is David Andrews. Where are we headed?"

David and his son lived on the farm on the town side of the Larsens; our farm was on the other side of Luke's home. When David got out of the army, he used his Army college money to become a registered nurse with special emergency medicine training and he had been with the EMS for several years, actually since before I was born.

"David, I'm betting money--and maybe his life--that he is below the falls on the river. I'm jumping the ditch and crashing the fence as soon as I cross the river bridge. Think that thing you guys are driving can follow?"

"We can sure as hell try," he responded.


"If you can't...."


"I know, it's three more miles. You go; we'll follow."


I rushed passed the David's place, across the river bridge, and hung a sharp right, jumping the road ditch. As I crashed the pasture fence, I expected the barbed wire to snap, but it didn't. Instead, it started stretching and pulling loose from the posts. When it finally snapped, the
backlash smashed the windshield and whipped through the Jeep, but I didn't pause. "Please, God," I prayed with my whole being, "let him be here and let us be in time."

Reaching the path to the river, I leapt from the Jeep before it stopped moving. As I raced along the narrow path through the cane and trees lining the river bank, I heard the sirens stop and then the sound of the water rushing over the low falls and splashing into a wide basin before, once again, entering its narrow river bed and going on its way. As I raced toward the river, I kicked off my shoes, knowing that if Luke were here, he was in the river.

As soon as I reached the edge of the basin, my heart stopped. I saw him, his nude body, face up, caught between two rocks. Otherwise, he would have washed over the basin's edge and down the river. I dived into the icy water--after all it was only mid-March and this water was never really warm enough for swimming until mid-May--and swam over to Luke. As I pulled his body to mine, I couldn't be sure, but it seemed as if his beautiful body was lifeless. Grabbing him under the chin, I started swimming back just as David and his crew reached the river's edge.

"Matt, grab the float," David shouted as he tossed it out over the water. Holding Luke's chin above water with one hand, I grabbed the float with the other. David rapidly pulled me to the sandy beach. His two team mates grabbed Luke and started working on him while David helped me ashore and covered my shivering body with a blanket."I'll grab you something hot from my kit," he said as soon as I was settled.


While I waited, I looked around at this, a very special place. Suddenly I spied Luke's clothes, neatly folded, a few feet from me and near them was a prescription bottle. I quickly got up and ran to the clothes, picked up the bottle, and called to David, "David, here's something you need to see."

Handing me a cup of hot liquid, David took the bottle and called to Anna and Jake, his colleagues,"Here's an empty bottle which originally held 35 200 mg caps of phenobarb. That's a lethal dose if they were all here and he took them. "Is he still alive?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Barely," Jake replied, "but since we know we have more to deal with than hypothermia, that's a plus. But to be honest, I doubt he makes it, but we'll try to get the barbiturate out of him and do everything else we can.

As he and Anna continued to get Luke ready to transport, I bent to pick up Luke's clothes. I felt something warm running down my cheek. I turned to speak to David when he said,"Matt, you're bleeding like crazy!" as he rushed toward me. "When you crashed through the fence, you took a barb in the face. You've got a bad cut there." He grabbed his kit, quickly cleaned the wound and pulled it together with butterfly strips. "When we get to the hospital, you will get that checked out. Promise?" I nodded.

"We're ready to transport," Anna called to David.

"See you at the hospital, Matt," David said as he grabbed his kit and joined his team.

"I'll get his things, go by his house, get some dry clothes and his mother," I responded, "then I'll be there."

As the EMS team left, I walked slowed over to Luke's neat folded clothes. "This spot has always been so special to us," I thought as I bent to pick up his things. I clutched his clothes to my body, inhaling the fragrance of the man I loved--I loved as my very best friend as did he me, but more than that, my great and painful secret was that I not only loved Luke, but had been in love with him for a very long time, in fact, for as long as I could remember. I lived with the agony of loving him more than life itself and the fear that if he knew, at best, our friendship would be destroyed and at worse, he would hate me. It was a risk I could not take. So I lived, every day, every night with the heartache of my secret. Tears streaming down my face, I walked slowly back to the Jeep, shivering in spite of the blanket David had given me. Placing Luke's clothes on the passenger's seat, I picked up my cell phone and hit speed dial 1. "That's exactly what you are to my life, Luke, you're first and all else is after. Please, please,please don't die!" Gabrielle answered on the first ring. "Gabrielle, we found him and he is alive,barely. It's not absolutely hopeless, but very, very close."

"I'll light another candle to the Virgin for him,"Gabrielle responded. The Larsen's, he of Danish background and she born and raised in Germany, were surprisingly, very devote Catholics instead of being Lutheran as one would have expected. And that raised another question about what my best friend, a devoted Catholic, had done. Taking your own life, I was sure, was a
mortal sin for a Catholic and would doom Luke to hell. Not that I believed that, but then I am an Episcopalian, not a Roman Catholic. "Call in all you have out to your saints, Gabrielle. Our guy needs all the help he can get. I'm on my way now. I'll pick up some dry clothes at your place and then take you into town. We'll have to take your car, though, because my Jeep's a mess. See you in a sec."

"OK, I'll be ready."

There would be no problem with clothes. Not only did Luke and I spend so much time at each other's house that we both had clothes in both places, but we were also the same size. In fact, our fathers once remarked that had we not been "darkness and light" we could have been twins so far as size goes.

Luke was clearly "light." Again, given his family background, how could he be otherwise? Luke was truly a golden man-child--a golden young man. His hair, so curly he had given up in trying to make it otherwise, was so blond it sometimes seem transparent. In the sun it shown like spun gold, creating a shining halo around his beautiul face. His fair skin was perfect so that the goodness that was inside made his body seem to glow. Hard work on the farm and the non-jock sports--volleyball and tennis--kept him in excellent shape, clearly defined, but not grotesque. Also, he and I had started running together two years ago and ran every morning after our chores were done before we got ready for school. In the winter we even ran in the dark and the weather had to be really bad for us not to have our morning run.

I, on the other hand, was darkness, the son of a half Korean mother and father who was at least half American Indian.

As I pulled into the Larsen's drive, Gabrielle ran out to meet me. Weeping, she cried, " Why? Why? Why did he do such a terrible thing, Matt? Why?"

"I don't know, Gabrielle, I don't know and I should have known. I should have known he was in pain. I should have known, even though he didn't tell me."

We walked into the house and I continued upstairs to Luke's room. As soon as I entered, I could not hold back an outburst of tears as I was overwhelmed by a tide of memories and the fragrance of the man I loved. While I had loved Luke as long as I could remember. Of course, over time my love had changed, had matured, but I kept it to myself. No way was I going
to risk the beautiful friendship Luke and I had since the day we were born. Suddenly I realized that I was still carrying Luke's clothes I had taken from the river, the clothes that had covered Luke's so alive beautiful body and which still held the scent of the one I loved above all else. Tears still streaming, I got dressed in Luke's clothes and walked downstairs.

Gabrielle handed me her keys and we walked out of the house to her car. While the trip into town was not a race like the one out, my mind was racing around and around, "Why? Why? Why?" Suddenly it occurred to me that Gabrielle should not have been home when she had called me. "How did you happened to be home early today?" I asked Gabrielle.

"The system went down just after lunch and we were told it would not be back up until sometime late tonight so I just came on home. I hope in time to save my boy," she responded as she started crying softly. Gabrielle was office manager for the medical complex in Concord, our small town. The rest of the drive into town was spent in silence, each of us lost in our own
thoughts.

When we reached the hospital, I found a parking place near the emergency room entrance. When we walked in, David was coming out of one of the treatment bays and walked toward us.

"He's still alive, but just barely. Matt, had you not known where to find him and had we not gotten there when we did, there is no doubt he would be dead, but he's sure not out of the woods yet," David answered our unspoken question. "But you, Young Man, need to get yourself over there into that treatment bay so someone can take a look at your face."

"So there's no change in Luke," I asked David as we walked toward an empty treatment bay.

"None, at least none for the better. He's so close to death that any change would be for the better or . . . ."

When we reached the treatment bay a fairly young, good looking woman--hey, I may be in love with another man, surely you have gathered that--but that didn't mean I didn't appreciate a good piece of handiwork and God had done an outstanding job on this woman.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Bailey. I understand that you took a pretty severe hit in the face by a pasture fence while rescuing a friend."

"I'm not sure I would call it a rescue, especially since it looks as if he may not make it. And, in fact, I didn't even know my face was cut until David--Mr. Andrews--noticed all the blood."

"Yes, I understand your friend. . . .What's his name?"

"Luke, Luke Larsen."

"Luke is near death, but so long as there is a spark of life, there's hope, right."

"Right! Damn right," I responded with all the bravado I could muster, then the tears started again in spite of my putting every effort into stopping them.

Dr. Bailey reached over and put her arms around me, giving me a warm and comforting hug. Gradually I stopped crying.

"Now" she said, "let me take a look at your face, Matthew."

"Please call me Matt. The only time I am called Matthew is when my mom is really upset with me or when I am in her class."

Ok, Matt, you've got a really nasty gash there. David--ah, Mr. Andrews--told me you crashed through a pasture fence and the barbed wire didn't break until it snapped and whipped back, breaking your windshield and hitting you in the face."


"Yea, that's what happened, but as I said, I didn't know it until Mr. Andrews. . . .Look, David is obviously a friend of both of us, so can we stop this Mr. Andrews bit?"

I was very surprised when Dr. Bailey blushed a bright red like a young school girl. "Sure," she replied, suddenly becoming very busy with some instruments on a tray beside the table. I wondered what was going on here.

When she turned back to me she said, "David is well-known around the hospital. Not only for his work, but also for the loving care he gave his wife Elizabeth when she was here for treatments for cancer two years before she died three years ago. Did you know her too?"

"Sure, there are three families of us living on adjoining farms. The Larsen's live between David and us. David and his son Michael live on the town side and we live on the country side. But actually, we're like one family most of the time--except we don't talk much about religion, since
the Larsens are devote Catholics and we are Episcopalians. David and Michael were very active in their church until the preacher said AIDS was God's curse on gays and then damned gays and peoplr who supported their rights. Also, he was never there when Michael and David needed someone during Elizabeth's illness and death. David and Michael have really been close to my family after Elizabeth's death. It's a long story, but the families have been very close ever since before the three men got out of service."

"I'd like to hear that story some time. Meanwhile, let me look at your face. And, Matt, I need to know your full name for this form."

"Matthew S-a-r-a-n-g upper case H-a-n-u-n upper case P-o-m-u-l Greywolf. That's my middle name Mom and Dad gave me when I was born. I think it's probably Dad's butchered Korean, although it may be perfectly correct. It's a real mouthful and when I was younger, I just gave the
English translation until one day kids started kidding me about it so now I just spell it and let it go at that. My mom's Korean, actually half Korean. Her father was an American soldier who deserted her mother when she became pregnant. Mom doesn't even know his name since her mother refuses to acknowledge he ever existed. Matthew Sarang Hanun Pomul Greywolf--that's
what Mom and Dad call me when they are very upset with me or when they are very pleased with me. I've never figured it out. Ouch!"

"I'm sorry, but I needed to clean up your face so I can see what needs to be done. What *is* the translation of you middle name?"

"You have to promise not to laugh. It means 'Beloved Treasure."'

"While I can see why kids, being kids might laugh, I think that is one of the most beautiful names I have ever heard. David has done an excellent job with the butterflies, but there is going to be a scar on that high Greywolf cheekbone. Am I correct in assuming your father is an American Indian?"

At least half. I don't think he even knows what the other half is, but his mother was a full blooded Lakota."

That makes your middle names mean even more since it honors your mother and carries out the Lakota custom of naming one according to what one is, Beloved Treasure. By the way, are your parents on their way?"

"Oh, my God, I haven't even thought to call them. They don't know anything about this since they had a faculty meeting after school today and I was at St. Mary's so they won't expect me home until about five. What time is it?"It's almost 4:30"

They are probably just getting home now. I gotta call them."

"I'll take care of that," she said as she walked out of the treatment bay and called out, "Mr. Andrews, could you come here, please?" When David reached the bay, she asked him to call my parents and tell them what had happened. Also to ask them if they felt I was mature enough to make a decision about my face since if anything was to be done, it needed to be
done as soon as possible.

Apparently David knew what she meant because he came back in about three minutes and said the decision was mine, then continued talking to my parents on his cell phone as he walked back to the desk.

"Well, we are at a decision point, Matt. How old are you?"

"Eighteen. Well, Luke and I will both be eighteen in two months. We were born on the same day, but I am twenty minutes older." Mentioning Luke's name started another flood of tears and their salt soon started the newly cleaned wound on my face stinging. I realized that Dr. Bailey had not only been attending to my physical needs, but my emotional ones as well by distracting me.

"Well, you're not quite eighteen, but your parents say you can make the decision. David has done an excellent job, as I said, but if there is not to be a scar, I need to get a plastic surgeon in here pronto. If nothing more is done, you will have a scar, as I said, right on the peak of that
Greywolf cheekbone. It will be, oh, I guess about an inch long and narrow. Hope you don't think I'm being sexist, but I wouldn't hesitate in calling in a surgeon if you were a girl, but since you are a man (Yes, she said "You are a man."), given where the scar will be and as small as it will be, it's your call."

Look, you're to doctor. You're supposed to know these things. I'm not."

"Just a minute," she said as she stood up and walked into the hall, calling David again. When he came into the bay, she said, "Matt needs to have a plastic surgeon redo that wound pronto unless he wants to just let it go. You know there will be a small scar, so what do you think?"

"I think a small scar there would be downright sexy," David responded as he reached over and messed up my hair. "He'll have all the women in school chasing him, not that he doesn't already!" I blushed all over at his comment. If he only know how little I cared about that! But it was true
that Luke and I had girls all over us most of the time, but neither of us dated more than occasionally, then it was first with one girl then another. A kind of friends going out, not real dating.

What do you think, Stud?" David asked, causing me to blush a deeper red I'm sure.

I decided more than one could play in this game and said, "Well, Doc, you're a pretty sexy bundle yourself. What do you think? Which would be sexier?"

David laughed and Dr. Bailey joined in the blushing. "Well, I think I'd be Matthew Beloved Treasure Barbed Wire in the Face Greywolf and let be as is."

"So be it."

Since Dr. Bailey had finished with me, I walked to the emergency waiting room where I found Gabrielle and Jens Larsen. "Are you ok?" Jens asked me and I nodded yes. "There has been no change in Luke. The doctors are holding out very little hope," he said. "We have called Fr. Muller for Last Rites."

As he finished speaking, the burly German priest came through the emergency room door and stopped at the nurses' station. He spoke briefly to the nurse on duty, the came storming over to the waiting room. His opening words to the grieving parents were, "You son has committed a mortal sin and unless he confesses, he will be damned to hell forever. I thought you were good Catholics, yet you dare ask Mother Church for Her Last Rites for a boy who had attempted self-murder." Every word he spoke was like a hammer blow to the heart of his parents and to mine. Gabrielle was weeping bitterly and Jens was turning white with anger. "I will say a prayer for you two at Mass, but not for him and his damned soul."

"Get the hell out!" Jens shouted at the priest and appeared to be advancing toward the burly man in the collar, "Just get the hell out!"

"You'll understand later," Fr. Muller said, "then you can come to confession."

I thought Jens was about to kill the priest, but Gabrielle held him backas Fr. Muller beat a hasty retreat.

Without further thought, I whipped out my cell phone and hit speed dial three--again, I thought of the priorities in my life: Luke was one, my family was two, and St. Mary's was three--hoping someone was still in the church office even though it was late. Gertie answered the phone. "Gertie, get Fr. Tom over to the hospital at once. I need him," I said, surprisingly calm. As I put the phone back in my pocket, I saw a gurney with Luke on it being wheeled out of the treatment bay. Thank God, his face was not covered, but he looked dead with tubes goes in and out of his beautiful body. I tried very hard to be brave for the Larsens, but I didn't make it. My tears started again as I looked at Luke, thinking this may be the last time I see him alive. And he doesn't know how I feel about him.

A doctor walked over to the Larsens and said, "We have done all we can for Luke right now. He is barely holding his own, but he has not gotten worse. He's being taken to ICU. You may go up and see him for a few minutes--five or ten. After that, you may see him for fifteen minutes every
hour on the hour, however, I would suggest you go up and see him, then go home and try to get some rest until tomorrow morning. At the very miraculous best, this will be a long, tough haul and you need to stay well. If there is any change at all, any at all, someone will call you. If you need something to help you sleep, I will leave it with the nurse on duty here in the emergency room. Do you have any questions or is there anything else I can do?"

"No, I guess not, Doctor. And thanks for offering the medicine to help us sleep. I am sure we will need it and if you think it best, we will go home."

"I do. If Luke makes it, he is going to require a lot of you after he leaves the hospital and there is nothing you can do here now. Save your strength for when he is going to have to have it. Here's my card. Should you think of anything, anything at all, that I might do, please call me." Handing Jens the card, the doctor shook his hand and gave Gabrielle a hug before he left."

"Matt, are you ok?" Jens asked as he hugged Gabrielle to himself.

"Yea, I'm ok, I guess. David called Mom and Dad and Fr. Tom is coming and he can take me home. Go on up and see Luke."

As the Larsens got on the elevator, I, for the first time, felt something in a back pocket. When I pulled it out, it was a letter addressed to me in Luke's handwriting. I opened it and began to read.

"Matt,

"I know you are hurt and in pain because of my cowardly act. Please forgive me and know that I loved you better than life itself, but I could never let you know. Every moment I was away from you, you filled my thoughts and I felt empty and lonely, suffering because I was not with the
one I loved. Every moment I spent with you over the past few years have been filled ecstasy because I was with you, the man I loved more than anything in heaven or earth. Yet it was agony also because I was terrified that my feeling toward you would slip out and I would lose you as a friend forever and I could not bear the thought of that happening. Agony because the loneliness and emptiness were still there, just overshadowed by the joy of my being with you., If loving you, another man, makes me gay, I am gay, Matt. Please don't hate me, even though when you read this, I will be gone. I could not go on being so in love with you and never being able to tell you."

Since my family, and I thought I, are good Catholics, I was also haunted by the fact that loving another man was a mortal sin. Fr. Muller made that very clear Sunday after Sunday. Since I was damned for loving you, hell's fire held no terror to prevent my committing another mortal sin. To escape the agony because I can no longer handle it, I have taken a coward's way out. Please forgive me and know that I went to my death loving you with my whole being. I chose a place special to both of us. I love you, Matt, my beautiful friend.

Goodbye.

Luke.

Before I finished the letter, I could hardly read for the tears streaming down my face. As I read his name, I screamed "Luke!" and collapsed on the floor. I was not completely unconscious, so I knew someone had picked me up. My foggy mind recognized Dr. Bailey and David. "I think we need to take him into my office. I don't think the problem here is medical," I heard Dr. Bailey say and David lifted me in his arms. As soon as I was safely in Dr. Bailey's office, she gave me something and said, "Drink this." My mind gradually cleared and I lay on th sofa, staring at the
ceiling.

Dr. Bailey said to David, "Wait outside for a few minutes while I check Matt out."

"Also be on the look out for Fr. Tom, please, David. I am expecting him," I added.

As soon as David had left the room, Dr. Bailey said, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I'm not sure. About telling you I mean."
"Had you rather wait and talk with Fr. Tom?"

"Don't both of you have the same vow about keeping secrets?"

"Sure do."

I took a deep breath and decided to unload a big pile of garbage I had been carrying too long, garbage which might have killed the love of my life. "I was all wet after we got Luke out of the river and since his house was closer than mine, I went there to change. When I took off my wet
clothes, I put on the clothes Luke had been wearing before he jumped into the river, because they were Luke's. After the Larsens left to go to ICU, I found a letter in a back pocket addressed to me in Luke's handwriting." With those words, I handed the letter to her.

She read the letter slowly, glancing at me every once in awhile.

When she finished she said, "Do you want me to tell you the rest of the story?" I nodded. "The truth of the matter is, you could have written essentially the same letter to Luke. Right?"

I had sat up on the sofa and when she said that, I dropped my eyes to stare at the floor as I slowly nodded my head "yes."

"I am not surprised. I have seen an awful lot of guys come into the emergency room with injured friends, but it was obvious to me from the first that your feelings for Luke was well beyond friendship, even a very close friendship. Don't be ashamed of your love, Matt, there is little
enough love in the world to condemn any of it. And look what hate can do. Luke was told his love for you was a dirty, sinful thing; that he should hate himself because he loved. And so now he is lying up there having tried to destroy himself, having no reason for living."

"But he knows that there are people out there just waiting for the opportunity to kick the ass of a man who loves another man--of me and Luke. He knows that people get carried away and kill a man simply because he is gay. Remember the student who was brought in here last year, half
dead because he had be sodomized over and over by a group of rednecks? He and they went to the same school we attend. But Doctor, to be honest, If he dies, I can't see any reason to live myself."

"Oh, there are thousands of reasons for you to live, even without Luke. But let's not think about that right now. Let's think about Luke living. Nothing else you have said makes any difference otherwise, does it?"

There was a soft knock on the door and when Dr. Bailey said, "Come in," David and Fr. Tom walked in.

David had filled Fr. Tom in on what happened and he had been to see my parents and they are fine, David told me.

"Are the Larsens still here?" I asked David.

"Yes, they have a few more minutes with Luke."

I quickly told Fr. Tom what had happened with Fr. Muller and asked him if he would offer to anoint Luke and give him the Sacrament if his parents wished. "I know that it's not Last Rites for you, but it's the same Sacrament, right?" Of course, he agreed. He told me as soon as he had seen
the Larsens and Luke, he would come back down and and do the same for me as he had done for Luke.

I'm glad Episcopalians don't have Last Rites because Last Rites seem to be giving up hope, and I still had hope for Luke.

As David and Fr. Tom left Dr. Bailey's office, another doctor came in. He was the one who had talked to the Larsens earlier, Doctor Walker. "How's Luke?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"I would like to say he is at least holding his own, but I'm not sure he's doing that well. He seems to have absolutely no will to live--which is not surprising since he tried to commit suicide; he has no fight. I think he is willing himself to death. He is healthy and looks as if he is as strong as
a horse, I think he could make it if he just had the will to live, but if he continues to wish to die, he will. I am sure of that."

"Paul," Dr. Bailey said to the doctor, "just how far are you willing to
bend the rules?"

"Hell, Margaret, you know me well enough to know that I don't just bend the rules, I break them and if or I ignore them. What do you have in mind?"

"You have known comatose patients who, when they woke up, know everything that was said and done around them, haven't you?"

"Who hasn't?"

Dr. Bailey looked straight at me and said, "I think we can give Luke something to fight for and a reason to live if you will bend the rules."

What did she have in mind? Why had she looked at me so strangely?

Dr. Walker seemed not to hear Dr. Bailey and said, "The Larsens are, I think, going home shortly. They were about ready to leave when I came down stairs. As soon as Fr. Tom--I thought the Larsens were Catholic--but Fr. Tom was up there--as soon as he finished, they planned to go home and try to rest." Looking at me he said, "You should do the same, Young Man."

"I don't think so, Paul, I think Matt needs to spend the night with Luke."

"What in the world are you talking about?" asked Dr. Walker.

Dr. Bailey looked at me, raised an eyebrow, and picked up Luke's letter from her desk. She waited for some reaction from me. I thought I knew what she had in mind and nodded my head.

She handed the letter to Dr. Walker who read it slowly, glancing at me from time to time as had Dr. Bailey.

"When are the assholes of the world going to learn that some men love men and some women love women and that love is love, period? But what did you have in mind, as if I couldn't guess?"

"Paul, Matt could have written a letter telling Luke exactly the same thing about being in love and the fear he had of losing a lifelong friendship. Because of their fear and the value they placed on their friendship, both young men, who were madly in love with the other, were afraid to say anything. I want you to take Matt up to ICU, throw the fear of God into Chelsea who is on duty tonight, telling her that Matt is not to leave Luke's side. He'll have to get out before the Larsens get here tomorrow morning and someone will have to take care of letting his parents know."

"Just what I thought you had in mind. I'll take care of Chelsea and make sure the nurse coming on in the morning knows to get Matt out before the Larsens come in. You'll have to take care of the parents."

"Deal."

As Dr. Walker left the room, Fr. Tom and David came in. Fr. Tom asked Dr. Bailey if she would like to receive the Sacrament with me as David had done when he anointed Luke and placed a drop of the consecrated wine on his lips. The Larsens, of course, expressed their appreciation to Fr. Tom for what he did for Luke, but as good Catholics did not receive. She said she would and Fr. Tom said the prayers, anointed me, and gave me and Dr. Bailey the Sacrament. After we had said the Lord's Prayer together, Fr. Tom said,"I'll take you home now, Matt."

I looked at Dr. Bailey, took a deep breath and said, "I'm staying." Both David and Fr. Tom looked surprised, then looked at Dr. Bailey. "It's ok. Show them the letter. They need to know."

David read over Fr. Tom's shoulder and when they had finished, I said, "My fear may have killed Luke because I feel the same way toward him as he sayshe does toward me."

Fr. Tom simply nodded his head and said, "Well, you have never heard me say you'll burn in hell because you love a man. If you love him as he loves you, you have a hard time ahead of you, but your surely have my blessing, even if it's not official."

David looked less surprised than I thought, then said, "You know, Matt, the Larsens cannot know about this, at least not now. I'll be really surprised if your parents will love you less or treat you any differently, but you can never know. They need not know until we can sit down and talk
about this as family. You have my love and support as you always have. Should either you or Luke need a home, you have it. My older brother, whom I worshiped, was gay. I was eleven when our parents found out. My father beat him to a pulp while my mother screamed at him. They then threw him out of the house and told him he was no longer their son and never to darken their door again. He was eighteen, almost exactly your and Luke's age. I only saw him once after that. He came by school to see me. When my father found out, he beat me until I had to be hospitalized. My brother sent me a note though one of my teachers and told me he loved me, but he couldn't see me again because of what my father might do. When I grew up, I tried o find him, but never did. I swore then I could never let what someone was make me hate them. And you know I love you and Luke as I do Michael."

When David had finished speaking, I jumped up off the sofa and hugged him with all my strength while crying like a baby.

"Dr. Walker is making arrangements; he's setting Chelsea straight, David, for Matt to spend the night with Luke. Dr. Walker says Luke has no will to live and it is up to Matt to convince him he has a damn good reason to live," Dr. Bailey said.

"Well, I guess that means I have to come up with some reason for Matt staying here without having the Greywolf pack rushing here to take care of their young pup, Sarang Hanun Pomul. (David knew he could always get my goat by calling me that.) I'll tell them he needed to stay for observation and was already asleep.

"Matt, you better tell that man you love just how much you love him and pray at the same time that he hears you," Fr. Tom said.

When Fr. Tom and David left, Dr. Bailey had food brought to her office and even though I didn't feel like eating, she insisted. "You have a long, tough night ahead of you, and it's probably not the last one, we can hope" she said, "so eat.


By the time I finished eating, it seemed as though it was midnight, but it was only eight o'clock. It had been about four hours since Luke had been pulled from the river.

"When you go up, Matt, you will probably be shocked by what you see. Luke took an overdose of barbiturates which slowed down his heart, his breathing, all his body functions. Additionally, he was in icy water which caused hypothermia, which also slows down the body's functions. It forces
all nonessential body functions to completely shut down so the brain can receive oxygen. He has a ventilator breathing for him. He had to have his stomach pumped and infused with charcoal to get any barbiturates still in his stomach. His body temperature, which was below 85 degrees, ten degrees below where hypothermia begins, has to be increased gradually. In short, he looks as if he is not alive and is hooked up to a number of machines. Try to overlook all that and concentrate on convincing him he has a reason to live. If anyone can do it, it is you. And remember, he may not be able to hear you and even if it does, he may well have suffered brain damage and have other problems. Don't blame yourself if you cannot get through to him,but don't give up hope. And since you seem to be a religious person, prayer like hell!"

I gave Dr. Bailey a huge hug and she hugged me back. "Luke just don't know how lucky he is and if he knows only half of it, he'll jump up out of that bed!" Dr. Bailey said.

"I know someone who is luckier if he lives," I replied as Dr. Bailey led me toward the elevators to the ICU.